There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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