I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
