Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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