it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I am one with the molecules
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
