The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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