I murdered the dance floor call the cops
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
