Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
