The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
