Welp...herpes.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
