the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
