i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
this beer tastes like vomit already
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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