You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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