I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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