he puts the penis in happiness.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize