I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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