You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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