He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She's just so happy...and so naked.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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