You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
