I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
