My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
