she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
