I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
