My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Dicks are not precious.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
