Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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