theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
