Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
