I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
