i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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