I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
