I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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