Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
