My hand turned me down
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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