made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
