Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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