Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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