Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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