Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
handjob tips. give me some.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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