It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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