mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
