i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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