I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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