Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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