i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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