I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
