Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
