drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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