Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
YAS. BRING CRAB.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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