Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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