batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
