I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
