I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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