im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
