you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
