plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
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At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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