I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
