i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
