I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
