I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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