he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
