I wanna passion pit in your ass
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
