Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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