did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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