we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
