there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
