NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
