??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
