If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize