my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
There are leaves in my underwear?
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