just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
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We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
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You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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