Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
