The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
