Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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