I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
